I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
