oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
