you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
