there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
