..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
