after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
