So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sex in a hospital.. check
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
