Dual....:-)
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize