question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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