how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
