shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
