Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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