and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
