I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
