so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Acid is not a monday night drug
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
