hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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