Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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