So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
