This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Less talking, more tequila
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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