i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
