Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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