Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
