so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
