i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
