I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
