JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
