I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
