we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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