The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
