I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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