you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
