K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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