haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I've blown a few things in my day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
