I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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