how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
