pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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