OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
