My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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