Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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