Im at strip club and am horny
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
