As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Couch. On fire.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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