I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
