yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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