He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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