What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
