No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
