I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
