Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
