he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
