nut hugger
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
