dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just invented taco cereal.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
