If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
50% drunk capacity currently
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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