Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
