Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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