But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
