the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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