I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
