what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
