The maid of honor just puked.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
