You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
