Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
