i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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