Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
whose parrot is this?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
