you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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