Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
