I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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