Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
