if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
