Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
