I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
