Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
