I wanna bring you to show and tell
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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