threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
