We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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