I CAN MOONWALK!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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