I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
